We bought her dress after three stores and a near meltdown, and when she stepped out in lavender tulle and turned slowly I had to look down because my eyes filled too fast. She asked, “Does it look like a real princess dress,” and I said yes, and then she whispered, “Even without a dad holding my hand,” and I answered, “Especially then,” even though my voice nearly broke.
That night I sat with the dress and stared at Mark’s untouched side of the closet, and I thought I could not do this alone and also could not take this away from her. Mark would have known what to do, and that was the cruelest part of losing him because the problems that came after his death were exactly the ones he would have solved best.
The night of the dance I curled her hair and pinned a silver star clip, and she asked, “Do I look old enough for him to recognize me,” and I said, “Your father would recognize you anywhere,” and this time I managed not to break.