He died of a heart attack in 2009. And after that, the house became quieter in a way that houses do when a large laughing man is no longer inside them. I kept the porch. I kept the hydrangeas. I kept going. My son Derek moved in 2 years after Roland passed. He was 41 at the time, recently divorced from his first wife, between jobs, as he liked to say, a phrase that can mean many things, and usually means one specific thing.
He arrived with two duffel bags in a story about needing just a few months to get back on his feet. I believed him because he was my son and because I had always believed him, which was perhaps the central habit of my life that I should have examined more closely. That was 10 years ago.
In those 10 years, Derek never fully got back on his feet, at least not in any direction that carried him toward the front door. He found work eventually, driving for a freight company, decent pay, irregular hours, and 3 years after moving in, he brought home a woman named Cynthia, who had sharp fingernails, a faster smile than her eyes could keep up with, and an immediate and total opinion about how I arranged my kitchen.