Even now, writing that sentence in my own mind feels like dropping a stone down a deep well and waiting too long for the sound. She died in late October, when the trees outside our house had turned a yellow so bright it almost seemed cruel. Ovarian cancer, though I didn’t know that word when it began. At first I only knew appointments. More appointments, then scarves, then casseroles from neighbors we barely knew, then the smell of antiseptic in rooms that used to smell like coffee and laundry soap and the vanilla lotion she always wore.
My mother, Elena Vance, believed in softness with structure. She ironed pillowcases. She corrected grammar gently but consistently. She sang while peeling apples. She kept index cards of recipes clipped together with colored paper clips and always wrote the date beside anything new she tried, as if food too deserved a memory. She was not a dramatic woman. When she loved you, she did not announce it. She packed extra socks in your suitcase. She cut peaches over the sink so the juice wouldn’t drip on your school uniform. She sat on the edge of your bed and listened all the way to the end of the story.