That night I sat in my bedroom listening to laughter drift up from downstairs while I stared at the ceiling in the dark. I expected to cry. I expected anger. Instead, I felt something far quieter and much sharper than either of those things.
Clarity.
All at once, years of memories rearranged themselves into a pattern I could no longer pretend not to see.
Birthdays where Sadie got elaborate surprises while mine were simple and practical. Vacations organized around what she liked to do. Family photos where she stood in the middle while I naturally, silently, moved toward the edge.
I had not imagined the imbalance.
I had just learned not to name it.
Around midnight, I pulled out my old laptop—the one Sadie had discarded when she got a newer one—and typed into the search bar: full scholarships for independent students.
The results filled the screen.
Deadlines. Essays. Grants. Fellowships. Part-time job forums. Student housing threads. Impossible odds and tiny openings.
I kept scrolling.
Because if they thought I was not worth investing in, then I would have to become the person who invested in herself.