A year later, when I was eighteen, the will was read in a law office that smelled like carpet cleaner and polished wood. I sat in a chair that was slightly too large for me and heard the attorney say my name and the number that followed it.
One hundred thousand dollars.
I was eighteen years old and that number was not just money. It was oxygen. It was the gap between a future I had to fight for and a future I could build with some stability underneath it. I pictured college without debt, a computer science degree, a life that did not have to begin in panic and end in exhaustion. I pictured the particular freedom of not having to beg anyone for anything.
My parents smiled at me across the table when the attorney finished, but it was not a smile of pride. It was the smile of people who have just identified an asset.
That night they called me into the living room.
It was a humid summer evening and the air conditioner rattled against the heat and my mother stood near the window not quite able to look at me. My father sat in his recliner with his arms crossed and the expression he wore when he had already decided something and was delivering it rather than discussing it.