My body felt strangely calm, and that calm scared me more than anger would have. Anger at least still wants something. Anger argues because it believes there is a point to be made, a chance to be understood, a wrong that can be corrected if only the right sentence is spoken at the right volume in the right room. This was something different. This was the cold, steady feeling of a door closing from the inside.
I crouched beside Noah first and took the paper plate from his hands before it could tip. He looked up at me, puzzled but trusting. He was seven then, all elbows and cowlicks and earnest eyes, still young enough to think adults had reasons for things. Lily, my daughter, shifted closer the minute she saw my face. She was nine, old enough to notice patterns, old enough to feel discomfort and call it by the wrong name because children will almost always assume that if something hurts, they must have caused it.
“Come on,” I said quietly. “We’re heading out.”