The neighbors now fully visible on their porches because pretense has limits and scandal is the one thing suburbia enjoys honestly.

We turned at the end of the street.

The house disappeared.

I sat very still for the first few blocks.

Helena did not speak.

That is one of the reasons I trusted her. She understood the difference between companionship and intrusion.

At the first red light she glanced at me and said, “You all right?”

I thought about answering the simple way.

Instead I said, “I feel like I just amputated something rotten and I’m waiting to find out if phantom pain counts as grief.”

She considered that. “That’s unfortunately very well put.”

I looked out the window at Harborpoint sliding by—glass buildings, old brick storefronts, the harbor beyond them flashing silver in the late morning light.

“I used to think if I just stayed long enough,” I said, “they might love me in a way that had nothing to do with what I could fix.”

“And now?”

“Now I think I stayed long enough to confuse endurance with loyalty.”

Helena nodded once. “A common mistake among competent men raised by emotionally fraudulent people.”

“You have a way of making everything sound like part of a shareholder letter.”